Musings of a random guy

2012-02-02T22:27:00.002+08:00

哇，时间过得真快。。。一转眼，已经二月了。咳，最近发生一件非常非常无聊的事情。这些人真够幼稚。。。一点点小东西就打起架来。真够傻，真够蠢。他妈的，他们应该的到最严厉的处罚和谴责。。。气死我，他们真的很幼稚！

2012-01-28T01:15:00.002+08:00

哎呀，又是个劳累的一天。。。今天做了很多东西。。。早上，上课。中午，和一些兄弟朋友吃午餐。下午，就玩了几场 Tchoukball... 咳，真令人失望！竟然输了两场。。。我们还以为能打进大决赛，但应为被一次的失败影响，就无法“从死回升“。。。然后带着沉重的心情去上数学课。但还觉得瞒不错的，真的学了很多东西。

好了，就此搁笔。。。哈哈，好像写应用文是的-。-

2012-01-20T02:25:00.002+08:00

哈哈，我觉得我的华文还得进步，所我会用华语来与大家分享我的看法，感受，等等。。。

很晚了！下次再见吧! 到此为止!

2012-01-18T00:50:00.002+08:00

sometimes all a person needs is a clean slate.

we all make mistakes.

willing to change, but perhaps that's only a short term solution. what it needs to work is a change of character. how to do that? its so difficult.

two hands to clap, always.
made some mistakes, but please dont throw all insecurities at one go. its like you suddenly have all these things you need to change, and it feels so helpless when all of them scream for attention. one step at a time please, no one is without mistakes.

trust is so so so important. in the end both must try. one cannot expect the other to change for him/her. that's wrong. unhealthy. bad. one cant expect to change the other. why not change ourselves first? if both try, something beautiful will come out of it.

2012-01-13T20:05:00.002+08:00

I did many things wrong today, especially in the A maths refresher test. I was blind to obvious things, which cost me a lot of marks. i will never let this kind of mistake happen again. one just can't afford to have stupid, careless and ignorant mistakes like these.

another thing is that i failed to play a simple piece on piano. which is an epic fail. it is in C major somemore. its a cny piece. lol...maybe i'm not used to C major anymore? hahaha.

oh well...tmr chinese in the morning..

2012-01-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

back and posting again! well, my motivation has not died! that in itself is already quite surprising, since my motivation for MOST things have a rather short lifespan. its good to have this motivation! must keep going.

anyway, today was the so-called talent scouting thingy for the new sec one "recruits" for the band. it went GREAT, in my opinion. i mean, i think we, as seniors, enjoyed it far more than those crummy sulky-faced (not generalising: not all of them are sulky, some of them are really nice!) sec-ones who are still stuck in the primary school mentality that silence and being unenthusiastic is "cool", as i was too, then. i must have been quite a horrible junior, now that i think of it.

anyway it was all great fun, and even though my dear section, along with the double reeds, did not have much attention from the crowd (for obvious reasons), we still had quite a lot of fun and i loved every moment of it. really. though i was angry at some organisation fails at the start, i guess harmony (in both music and between people) is still the best solution. anger doesn't help anything.

i'm reminded that this would be my final year in this cca too. did i regret it? will i miss it? rhetorical questions...but they nevertheless have an answer. no, i dont regret it. and i'll probably miss the feel of being in a band playing music together. its nice.

well! this post is concluding, and i shall say that today was a great day!

this year in hai sing looks very very promising...i hope it stays that way.

2012-01-03T21:32:00.002+08:00

i must say, today, my eyes were truly opened. not by a close teacher, not by a close best friend, not by my family-- no. but by a chinese teacher whom i have never really come into contact with, much less even talked to. but today she gave me such and eye-opener and such a "shock" - a shock that i never saw coming, the realisation that life is truly not a bed of roses.

i learnt a lot today, and i am very motivated. however, still in a dilemma.. how now? do it slog my guts out, working towards a goal, trying my best, without knowing FOR SURE i can even do it? or do i spend the rest of my life regretting how much i didn't try.

i dont yet know the answer, but for sure i do not want to regret. a life with no regrets is the most perfect life any man can find.

now the road in front of me has truly expanded. it has become immense, rife with trials and challenges. challenges i never knew existed till today. thus i must outdo myself, i must overcome my previous naive thinking. in retrospect, i was so stupid. and i was that stupid just a little more than 12 hours ago. but am i truly enlightened? not yet, i would say.

why do i even try so hard when i do not have a precise, clear goal? who needs a precise clear goal, actually? i just head in the direction i want to go. i dont know where i'm going exactly, but i know the direction. i will try to stay on track. i don't know what else i can do, but perhaps i'll find out in the near future.

afterall, the only constant is change, right?

why work so hard? i'm not even sure about how to go about chasing this ambition (if it can be called that). it's actually more like a "good life" blueprint. i'll find out sooner or later, but for now, i'll just do what i can.

i do not need to "succeed", per se. i just CANNOT, WILL NOT and MUST NOT fail. i must not fail myself.

i will outdo myself.

2012-01-02T15:48:00.000+08:00

School opens tmr! looking forward to it ^^

2011-12-31T12:42:00.001+08:00

Today is new year's eve. goodbye MMXI, hello MMXII.

2011-12-24T00:51:00.002+08:00

my blog is so dead recently but i'm determined to keep it at the brink of existence!

haha. nothing can revive it now so it's on some hypothetical IV until the end of time.

well, next year is sec four...

so fast, and the year is ending already. how time really really flies. i can't believe my secondary school life is ending just like that. it was really really quick, my gosh. i can still remember sec one very clearly, as though it was cliche yesterday.

this holidays have not been productive academically at all, i hope to make it really count in the final week of holidays. which is next week. really "excited" for next year, in a sense. its my final year, i'm the oldest, i'm the biggest, yet it's the shortest and most heart(and brain!)-wrenching year of my secondary school life.

got so much to do, but so little time. but i swear i'll not let myself down next year. i will (almost!) everything to make what i do count. i'm so glad i took music (and higher music!) for olvls, at least it gives me a sort of reason to practise and to devote a little of my time to music. it gives me so much more fulfillment than academics, to be honest, but i still have to be an all rounder. singapore's like that.

but nevertheless i really want to make something out of music, not to study it, but to get something out of it. perhaps the ABRSM Licentiate? but that'll have to wait a few more years, till i have more time, maybe when i'm in poly.

this year has been rather great. but i guess, since i'm already reflecting so much, that it will be my so called "final post" for the year. you know. yeah.

this year has been quite fantastic, so many things have happened, so many good things. i can't find a reason to be unhappy, really. who can? oh please, no one has it bad. its just your attitude towards things. we are responsible for our own happiness, and WE should all be happy, cos anger is an EPIC waste of time.

i love a great many things, and i think this year has been quite fruitful.

christmas is coming and though i was THIS CLOSE to a white christmas, i shan't fret because i'm with the people i know.

here's a big big shout to everyone who has made this year wonderful, for me and for everyone else around.

Merry Christmas and happy new year.

2011-12-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

back from europe..and tired. hope can post pictures.

2011-11-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

Haven't been posting for a while, so i shall.

anyways, will be going off to europe for half a month this friday (officially saturday at 1am).

will miss everyone very badly

2011-11-16T00:47:00.002+08:00

Just done with the junior band concert. my god, who knew it'd be so exhausting just to WATCH a concert? but i watching it over and over again...so painful.

haha but i'm glad to see that the juniors are rather technically decent. at least much better than alot of us. but always fear the DEDICATION NO TALENT SYNDROME!

i hate band now. it sucks so bad. i love the people. i love the music. but i hate the CCA so much. it feels different. it doesn't make me want to continue playing for the band. i want to work towards something. together. have that feeling you know. but with the new systems and everything its just different. dont know how to put it.

it feels less friendly now. like all the pretense friendships forged over COUNTLESS exchanges are just that : pretense. then WITHIN the cca itself also very little bonding. esp with the new batch, cos their the first batch who never knew the existence of the previous conductor. so it's like they're totally distant, but oh well who gives a damn anyway. if they're gonna spam so much time on the cca and fuck up their studies (like all the other fucked up schools who can only play half decently at best to begin with), it's the freaking system's fault.

the thing is, technically proficient they may be, but i don't know, something is just not right. firsty, i can't hear any musicality from any of the other bands. secondly, i just can't feel the sense of being a small part of something so much bigger than yourself anymore. can't really explain. ohwell. maybe i'll look back at this 10 years later and know why.

call me obstinate, call me old fashioned, but my ideal cca is not like this. not some Nazi dictatorship, where everything is run by alumnis, some stupid shit third party just trying to make money. okay that was bullshit, but the former is true.

2011-11-13T02:34:00.001+08:00

Right now i just struggle to keep myself afloat with those memories and hope of how wonderful you can be whilst i drown in your tears.

2011-11-12T02:28:00.001+08:00

In the end, all i'll ever need is you.

2011-11-11T15:55:00.003+08:00

What would you do if you found out that a good friend never existed?

I don't know where to begin. Why did you do it? How did you keep it from me for three years? How could you even bring yourself to do it? What for?

I had a friend. She was a good friend. But she was fabricated.

She was nothing but an elaborate lie spun out by the most unlikely of persons.

She was a very nice friend. One i thought was a good friend, and nothing else. Though i never saw her nor heard her, she was still a friend.

But now the truth is revealed, i am so appalled.

I understand that you had some crush on me, and that you were young, childish and stupid, but how could you think of such a thing? how could you play me?

Was it because you thought that i would like your fucking persona?

I wouldn't, cos i have never liked you in the first place, so how can i like some FAKE that you conjured up which has the exact same personality as you!? despite being nice, how can you assume that i would just like you like that? it's so impossible. and EVEN if i did, how would you reveal everything to me then? will you tell me that i was just some idiot stupid enough to believe your lies? But the thing is, YOU KNEW I WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED YOU ANYWAY, and that i would always only see you as a GOOD FRIEND AT MOST, so why did you do it?

Was it just so you could get close to me?

If so, you had a nice personality (come on, you can't fake a personality for six months, that's insane...or your acting is legendary), so why couldn't you just start talking to me? i would still have been friends with you, so why did you need to resort to such a scheming plan?

but the thing that makes me sad is that, i thought i had a friend that never was, and that you could be so disgusting. i never once doubted that you were a good person inside despite me disliking almost everything you do, but i cannot stand the fact that your "good person within" was used as a facade.

you gave up that persona so fucking suddenly, and i was surprised that my good friend just suddenly disappeared without a trace. so i was just a tool? when you had your fun you just ditch it? wtf? I THOUGHT I HAD A GODDAMNED FRIEND, BITCH. AND I THOUGHT I LOST A GODDAMNED FRIEND. BUT AT LEAST NOW I KNOW I LOST NOTHING.

what a pity, you could have been a good friend, but now i'm just so disgusted.

i feel so deceived.

maybe because i was.

everything about that girl you pretended to be was a lie. a guiltless, twisted lie.

i was fucking played. not for a day, not for a week, but for half a fucking year.

how can you repay the money i spent on those SMSes? how can you repay the time i wasted on a lie? and most of all, how the hell can you ever repay the friend i thought i had?

But i do not hate you. In fact, i applaud you for being able to cheat me for so long.

thanks for the lesson, i will now be on the lookout for more bitches like you.

2011-11-10T01:10:00.001+08:00

All these insecurities can be laid to rest if only you believe in me.

2011-11-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

Some people can be such complete BITCHES.

When i ask you properly and nicely if you just wanna go and have some lunch/breakfast together, you dont have to give me that kind of bitchy attitude right? its not like i'm asking you out on a bloody date la pls, dont be so full of yourself.

its okay to say no (and like i give a damn), but you seriously dont have to say stuff like "oh we also not friends" and ask your other bitch friend to back your ass up right? stupid shit, just shows me how insecure you are. even your OTHER friend says OKAY and you just have to give such a bitch attitude. and i thought you were nice enough. -.- fail.

i bastard OTHER PEOPLE, you say i bastard. i try to be nice, you take it as a joke. wtf? -.-

anyway shan't rant so much, so girly. JUST PUTTING THIS TO RMB THAT BITCH.

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :3

2011-11-08T00:27:00.003+08:00

Cecile Chaminade wrote her opus 107, the famous Flute Concertino, for an unrequited lover at his wedding day. He didn't even respond and it broke her heart.

Hello everybody.

okay i dont have much to post. anyway this week will be the last week i have to endure before the holidays really start. after that i will get two whole weeks of relax before flying off to europe for half a month, before coming back and finally enjoying my full 3 weeks left of holiday. i will prolly do my homework at europe. i think. i hope.

Friday will be my cousin's wedding, 11/11/11, wow what a nice date.

okay on second thought its only one week before i fuck off to europe. great, now there's really only one month of holiday. DAMN IT!!!!!

aiya well shan't complain too much. i have loads of time i guess...

BUT NOT IF LIFE WAS "IN TIME"! HAHAHA GET IT!? IN TIME!? THE MOVIE!?

okay being schizophrenic. -.-

ciao

2011-11-06T03:20:00.003+08:00

Wonderful day today. and i mean yesterday since "today" technically is the next day cos i'm posting at 3.20 AM.

but it was great, really. hahaha. loved it, and did not regret for ONE SINGLE MOMENT giving mus'art a miss in exchange for this little piece of happiness. haha.

2011-11-04T00:45:00.002+08:00

Yes so i am sitting down and posting once more. Cos its november and i just have to have a proper post. Well time flies, so i think i can consider myself sec four now.

so fast. i can still totally remember my previous years in this shitbag school. Why? idk. its just so fast. really really.

well anyway i really need to buck up on my studies and start taking ALL subjects seriously. i cant let myself down. i will not disappoint myself again like in PSLE. i will NOT waste my time. i will fully utilize my every minute.

that being said i'm not sure i can do it. cos knowing myself i aint the hardworker. but then again i will try and i definitely will do something well.

so next year, WHOLE NEW START, time to change once more, for the better!

i am looking forward to everything really. nothing is going wrong for me. life is really sweet. i mean, its not perfect, but it's close enough.

i mean, what more can i ask for? i have evertthing.

2011-11-01T00:09:00.001+08:00

NOVEM NOVEM NOVEM BERRRRRRRRRRRRRr

2011-10-31T02:02:00.003+08:00

Haven't blogged in ages! well the sec three school year has come to a close, so i ought to reflect on the academic year, no?

well it has been rather good this year..my results were rather decent (for several subjects) but then i leveled my poorer subs at the EOYs..so everything was not THAT good but still okay. MUST IMPROVE THOUGH!

okay anyway i have to really set my priorities straight! need to do loads of things, esp if i am to take up higher music next year! lost my inspiration to practice though...idk how to get it back ARGH SO FRUSTRATING. must practice!!! okay i seriously will WILL MYSELF THROUGH THIS PERIOD OF NO-MOTIVATION-NESS LOL.

okay anyway got very little holidays this year due to bridging and some stupid europe trip fuck which i dont wanna go -.-..

dammit so left one month holiday WTF can i do man!?? hais.

stupid. and some band ensemble competition also, waste 50 bucks to pay the bloody winners. stupid. rather expensive lesson to learn eh? i mean besides what else is there to learn except that "other people are forever better you foolish HSCS band members".

Mozart makes me happy.

2011-10-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

oh, i still managed to get 5 As...but level ranking dropped drastically, from like 19 to 35...SIAN! damn it. l1r5 12 currently but i hope it'll be 11! OKAY. AARRHGHGHGH

2011-10-15T21:54:00.001+08:00

exams are over...results are rather fucked to say the least...NEST YEAR CHIONG LIAO!!!

2011-10-11T03:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in the night it just comes.

2011-10-09T17:44:00.000+08:00

can't believe i've not stepped out of the house for the past two days....zzz seriously rotting

2011-10-08T19:26:00.001+08:00

The person I have been lately ain't who I wanna be.

sorry, i know i have been harsh and all. aren't we all?

2011-10-08T16:47:00.003+08:00

Here I am, pouring my heart onto these rooftops, just a ghost to the world; that's exactly what I need.

everyone has their own opinions, everyone can think as they wish, but do we know enough of others to be judging them openly? everyone can judge, everyone can criticise, but everyone should have a basic idea of "i dont know the person well enough so maybe what i think is not true". it's okay to think what you want about others but most don't like it when you say it to them in their face. that's because sometimes what one thinks isn't what things really are.

then again we all have people like that around us, judgers, and we must all learn to tolerate them since why should they understand us when we haven't or didn't even bother explaining ourselves? and then comes a long a person who gives you the sort of respite from all the flak, a learner: a person who learns of what you are with what little impression he or she has for you. we are lucky if we meet several of them in our lives. but what happens when that learner or your beloved "learners" turn against you? does that mean that they have never learnt? or maybe it was only that one aspect of you? either way, it'll come as a shock. that the person you though understands you the most not only doesn't really know you (which is perfectly fine), but puts those doubts into words/actions and openly bashes you.

then again, we all need someone to know us.

but then again perhaps all we will ever need is ourselves.

From up here the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire.

2011-10-06T22:43:00.002+08:00

last few hours of my birthday, so shall post something at least half decent in length...

thank you for everyone's kind wishes, jolene's awesome present, liza's awesome promised card, costner&dinie's dunking me into the rubbish bin, and many more!

haha having birthdays during exams is a little unfortunate, but ohwell, i have never had much regard for my own birthday anyway. haha. hey.

exams are gonna be over on monday! cant wait man! off to study history now!

too bad it wasn't even half decent in length HAHA

2011-10-05T19:16:00.000+08:00

oh wait i havent posted an october post and tomorrow's my birthday! wanna get rid of the previous posts from my homepage.... okay so anyway exams have been ratehr decent except for emaths which i screwed cos of some small reason. tsk. e maths was supposed to be damn easy. -.- okay bye

2011-09-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

exams are just around the corner and to be honest i'm rather nervous...the first time i have been nervous for exams i guess. but my studying habits still kinda suck =P

so uhm i hope i make it through with decent results. :D good.

2011-09-17T12:54:00.001+08:00

We grew up way too fast.

2011-09-16T21:36:00.002+08:00

it's been long, fellow friends!

anyways school has been decent! exams are just around the corner so i have to start studying!

not looking forward to the holidays at all...

2 weeks of bridging, then wasting 15 days in europe, which will leave me with only 20 days of holiday... it's sad really. time really waits for no man even if you tried to be a woman. look at the transsexuals. they all die early. hahaha.

haha but at least i am content. they say the content man is the richest man. ohwell i'm rich then. i know i'm blessed and all. with good friends, very good brothers and a very good lover.

just an anecdote: "true friendship never dies.".

2011-09-12T23:49:00.003+08:00

so today is my and jolene's 1st anniversary!

yup nothing much to post cos no one would really care anyway HAHAHA!

anyway it's an awesome day today. love her max!

OKAY! anyway I TOO LAZY SO I JUST POST A PICTURE AND GIVE YOU THE THOUSAND WORDS!

HAPPY DOLPHIN'S DAY CLICK!

2011-09-11T02:18:00.001+08:00

gosh, haven't been posting much recently...so here i am posting at 2 in the morning hahaha~

anyways life has been good, nothing interesting so far for a proper post. idk how people manage to post loads and loads of rubbish about their lives that other people wont care about anyway. hmm. but blogs are really helpful for archiving memories that we would otherwise take for granted...hahaha okay then ^^

2011-09-02T11:51:00.003+08:00

it's the month of september! hey ho! end of year fast approaching but i must admit ytd was awesome with the 6Benevolence08 peeps! whoa pastamania dinner then back to the old school! awesome awesome! since a picture speaks a thousand words, here's a picture!

YEAH BABY! FULL (haha not really) CLASS! LOVE YOU GUYS MUACKS.

2011-08-21T16:18:00.000+08:00

hmm. havent been on this place in a long time. have nothing to update currently. so yeah. i am still alive.

2011-08-09T17:38:00.001+08:00

NATIONAL DAY.

whoa things are being really good to me right now. everything is well and good. i'm chuffed to bits XD

hahaha.

alrighty.

happy birthday singapore.

2011-08-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

haish. dont get it. what to do now. can't do this, can't do that. i miss it all but grow up i must. making this one big fat sarcastic joke isn't gonna help either. sigh. okay. time to learn.

2011-07-29T23:21:00.003+08:00

YES. hahah finally posting! yup life's good. had a rather long talk with ms seow today abt what my future would be like if i really decided to take up music. i really want to but scared no money! D:<

anyway now i'm just chionging piano again! passion kena re-ignited by ms seow and the pressures of o'lvl music! hopefully can become pro! XD anw just finished grd 6 exams (which were really rather easy) and so skipping to grd 8 at last yay! :3 finally a small challenge from ABRSM! XD

okay so anyway! life's good~

WOOHOO I LOVE MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKS. RIGHT. CONTRADICTORY. YAY

2011-07-23T18:51:00.002+08:00

Well...it's been really a while since i've had a proper post. so i shall attempt to do one now yes? :D

okay maybe not :/

okay maybe so :D

talk about.... MISUNDERSTANDINGS + MISCOMMUNICATION!

yeah. sure, it really happens a lot. in fact nearly every fight, argument and war begins with misunderstandings... avoiding them is close to impossible, but it's all about communication. fail to communicate your views/opinions in a tactful and politically correct way, and boom you're screwed. but then shouldn't people be more open-minded instead of being so shallow as to take all these little remarks and actions to heart? then now this boils down to trust.

Trusting that the person means no offense whatsoever is really one of those things that can really really help. but then again everyone has feelings and sometimes it's just inevitable that you'd feel some form of anger, jealousy, or whatever at some stupid little remark that the other dude didn't mean.

a misunderstanding is always the fault of either side. so both should be equally at fault, thus neither is right nor wrong in that sense yes? This means that you have to admit you're wrong even if the other person doesn't. come to a common consensus that it was a misunderstanding (JUST a misunderstanding) and forgive, and let it go. many many many people fail to remember that and misunderstandings become just one of those things that wear down bonds.

prevention is better than cure, but obviously such happenings can only be prevented by proper communication, which takes time! and lots of misunderstandings in between, too. we all get better, but only in time.

so every time we have some disagreement or an argument with anyone, step back, look at the bigger picture, and ask if the situation could have been avoided if we had more patience to be nice and say what we mean. accept that it was a misunderstanding, apologise, and start all over again. it also becomes a way of strengthening mutual communication. be forgiving, patient and nice. it'll pay off, especially if the person means a lot to you.

footnote: sometimes, you don't really care if it's a misunderstanding and you just wanna win. go ahead. i do that too. but only with someone i couldn't really care less about at that point of time.

So my dear, forgive me. You know i didn't mean it that way right? I know you do. So yeah! OVER THIS UNHAPPINESS WE GO! WHOOOSH!

2011-07-18T18:25:00.001+08:00

i'm so angry today. haish -.- you bloody asshole, better stay away from her you stupid shitface. i dont mind flirting at all, flirting is harmless after all, but not this. you dont do this.

you ought to be scared of me. i can hurt you very badly.

i havent even eaten anything since breakfast.

2011-07-11T18:34:00.001+08:00

OKAY NEW POST!

addicted to Otto M.Schwartz's La Voie Royale!! OMG! nice max!

anyway today kena ps-ed by jojo ):

haish but not her fault so can't get angry!! D:<

OKAY SO. decent day. hahaha. ^^

okay! done!

one more day! XD

YESSSSSSSSS BABY!

2011-07-09T11:28:00.002+08:00

i have not posted a proper post in a long time, so let's start here. :D

alright life is decent! i'm very happy cos it's alm0st close to perfect! maybe not a bed of roses but a bed of...tulips? hahaha anyway it's darn good!

wrist still not fully healed so still cant play piano ): wonder if it'll ever fully heal... haish.

ANYWAY! i wanna thank my awesome girlfriend jolene for being so awesome recently hahha cos she's like so awesome recently then i'm like happy LOL.

AND BAND IS UHM...RATHER DECENT. okay. waiting for MWYO to resume!!!

okay! done!

2011-07-06T22:30:00.001+08:00

I AM SICK.

2011-07-03T15:29:00.000+08:00

Ohp my blog is officially two years old since several days ago. hahaha you old bitch.

it's the month of july. well. many stuff has happened, but here's hoping it's all good.

2011-06-27T20:02:00.001+08:00

school is here! stupid school. hate school.

2011-06-17T22:56:00.002+08:00

You don't say things like that. It sounds awful, hurtful and totally horrible. You don't say things like that to someone who has done so much for you, and compare him with another who has done nothing. You don't say that. You shouldn't even think that way. Cos in the end...you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

Anyway, june hols are drawing to a close with a single week left. quite a fulfilling holiday i would say. though not very productive because i have yet to do a single piece of homework! haish! omg.

anyway just got back from a decent family barbeque... haha. alrighty.

I have never minded, but how could you think like that? Really? You think so? There for you when I was not? You shouldn't even be thinking that way. Why? Cos it wasn't bloody intentional on his part. You know my intentions are always for your good. You KNOW it. At least i hope you do.

All is over, but an ember of insecurity is borne.

2011-06-13T00:42:00.002+08:00

After about two months of not-so-hard work, Mus'Art Youth Wind Orchestra played their first mini mini budget concert! went...not very well IMO cos we weren't at our 100% but hey, it's the first performance since our formation and well it was pretty darn fine at the start anyway!

March Willing & Able was undisputedly the most well done of the lot...recording didn't do it much justice but yeah was pretty good... i guess totoro was quite decent too, much neater than the main band's version but lacking soundwise. The Star of Dreams was actually rather good! but the thing is, i'm quite happy at my section (which only consists of two people, the other being quite a lot better than me). Despite (my) small screw ups (which weren't very noticeable at all), i guess we were the section that held it together the best? haha applaud max. XD

well what's done is done and next concert'll be next February! till then...piano :D

wrist still hurts though! but can feel it healing soon! one or two more weeks? YEAH. by end of june. i will have wasted alot of time but...I CAN ALWAYS CATCH UP!

2011-06-10T20:41:00.002+08:00

Velvet hair.
Tender skin.
Candy lips.
Warm breath.
Slim frame.

Passion.
Love.
Vigour.
Lust.
Sensuality.

Subtle movement, breathtaking beauty.

2011-06-07T22:42:00.006+08:00

This is not a post from an emotional wreck. Neither is this a post from a sissy gay. This is a post from me, and my thoughts. I'm sure every human has these feelings, most don't want to admit them (usually guys), but trust me, being human...it's all part and parcel.

I feel so suffocated recently.

I can barely speak my mind, can barely live up to expectations. I know my expectations, but how is it possible to keep them up when i can't even prevent the smallest things from happening? Isn't that rather fail of me? Believe me when i say i'm trying very very hard, but i guess "I'm human" can't cut it as an excuse. I have to be the one who stands strong, stands unwavering when everything else around me deteriorates? I'm just being honest, and i'm sure you know, we DID deteriorate. It's hard, my dear, but i'm really trying. It's like, in order to compensate for all the shit, i have to keep pushing my limits. I look at myself now, and look at myself before...i'd have never been able to achieve this state of patience and care and concern without you. and for that i'm grateful.

From what i've learned thus far, many things i say due to my insensitivity can cause the already volatile situation to explode. thus i've learned to tame my tongue, but it restricts me so and it's really heard to breathe when you're so DYING to say something but you CAN'T cause it MIGHT worsen the situation rather than mitigate it at all.

It isn't true most of the time...but sometimes i really have to say something but can't! and sometimes i just don't want to. if explaining things and (seeming to push the blame to you, which will make you guilty and unhappy) taking the blame does the same thing, the latter is the obvious choice. I don't really feel like explaining stuff anymore...i don't crave to be understood, i'm sure you by now know. taking the blame so often whilst being misunderstood goes against my nature and makes me feel like choking sometimes, but i guess it's worth it. you're happy aren't you? ^^ so it's all good. SUCK IT UP, they say.

Sometimes, i just wanna say "SHUT UP!!", but i can't, so i don't. sometimes i wanna say "why are you so stupid?!", but i can't, so i don't. Sometimes, i just wanna say "i love you, please stop.", and i DO, but we don't stop.

I'm so sorry i can't live up to what's expected of me completely, but i'm trying. Trying to improve things, to improve myself, and everything. You're great, but it's a two-against-all-odds fight. both need to give.

well i'm not saying you're bad. we are EQUAL. if you're a bloody loser, so am i. like i said, it always takes two hands to clap. if i'm with you, a failure of a girlfriend, and i can't change it, what makes me any better? (i'm not implying you are, of course.)

conclusion...we'll be back and better. we are definitely better now than few months ago. passing this "phase" (in which every bad habit, every flaw, every imperfection gets exposed to each other, leaving us vulnerable to all that is heartbreak) is crucial, i believe. now all the immaturity starts coming in. i say bring it on. cos when all this immature bullshit is done and dusted, we'd be stronger than ever.

till then, you're still amazing, and i still love you, jolene.

2011-06-03T20:58:00.002+08:00

I think...all these years, i've never properly learnt a single piece properly. my supposed skills are merely the result of poor practicing habits o.o

i dont have enough patience to relearn all those old pieces, but if i start now...i might be good O.O

2011-06-03T02:19:00.007+08:00

Tremendously happy recently, all thanks to

JOLENE TEO.

Yeah thanks much dudette! Love ya :D

2011-06-01T20:00:00.001+08:00

FIRST OF JUNE. holidays, the third day. got quite a bit of homework but i'm gonna be complacent and not do cos i did rather decent for my mid years...total 6 As hahaha cool right. third in class, nineteenth in level. AIMING FOR FIRST IN CLASS EOY!

but with my sucky attitude...not likely. HAHA.

okay anyway wtf my holiday got so much cca...-.- diao, retarded max.

2011-05-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

YES I'M BACK.

okay anyway since i have not posted for a darn long time, i shall post now! okay anyway about my exams results...not bad la xD

5 As..the rest Cs. as for music..i'm hoping it'll be an A.

OKAY firstly i'll talk about today THEN my plans for the holidays. :D

today.

well. it was pretty...

(i have not posted about me and jolene for a very very long time so i shall explicitly mention her now!)

DECENT, i suppose. uhm, well...i skipped CIP. main reason was not cos of meeting jolene (she was with YJ) , but because it ends at such a late time i'd be pangseh-ing my aunt. so anyway since i skipped, i decided to meet jolene lor, since i have so much time.

well basically camped at library alone and waited till two thirty and took train to Tanah Merah as usual. then sat there and waited for like around one hour (till around 3.45, even though she was supposed to finish at 3). then uhm, so yeah! she came and because i wasn't in the best of moods i pissed her off (AS USUAL PFFFT) and yeah didnt speak a word to each other all the way to whitesands. then uhm yeah she started to walk home and suddenly something DING DINGED into my brain and i dragged her (literally!) back to whitesands and led her to popular where i bought her a new file!~ (to replace the one she broke recently and cos i promised to do so quite a while ago and have not gotten around to doing it). whoa then she actually cried O.O

i'm like "wtf did i do smt wrong", then it turned out she was like GAN DONG until cry LOL. THEN i was like "wtf very big deal meh it's just a bloody file". -.- girls. hahaha jkjk but managed to do something nice in the midst of....UNHAPPINESS YES. XD

OKAY. then sent her home and went to aunt's place and ate and went for piano then go home tadah!

MY PLANS FOR JUNE HOLS.

hmm. MUST BE CONSTRUCTIVE (i'm not gonna do school holiday homework of course -.-).

i'll chiong piano! i've remained stagnant for too long and i'm getting weary of my mediocre skills. I RESOLVE TO GET A LOT BETTER AND COME BACK FROM THE JUNE HOLS A MORE PRO DUDE.

BAND. yes i'm still quite enthu about it.

GIRLFRIEND OF COURSE. damn enthu about that <: (if you know what i mean.....*eyebrow hint*)

YEAH ANYWAY I MUST ENJOY THE HOLS TO THE MAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx cos this eoy hols will prolly suck due to bridging (the gap between sec 3 and sec 4) -.- and NEXT YEAR WILL BE HORRIBLE FOR TEN MONTHS SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST PROPER HOLIDAY I GET SO YESSS MUST ENJOY!!!!!

okay this last sentence goes out to emma who asked me to post.

cheers. :D

I'M FOUR MINUTES LATE FOR HOUSE SEASON 7 GRRRR!!!

2011-05-14T23:54:00.002+08:00

whoa so long since i've last posted damn i miss this place and i got so many things to say man!

well mid-years wasn't very stressful and it's over now so i'm very free yayy! haha, life is rather good! albeit damn suay cos i lost two wallets (one of them branded one) in less than a week

fuck right! waste money ._.

okay anyway yeah!

i wanna tell people something!

patience is really a virtue. it helps tremendously. my patience has been stretched and stretched so repeatedly i think i am so zai now i can become a zen master man!

patience is awesome. we often lose things we dont want to lose due to impatience. that is a very true fact, and once we come to regret it, it's too late. so, when you've used so much effort to attain something, why let it slip away so easily? PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE AND IT'S REWARDS ARE LIMITLESS.

that's all for today. ciao!

2011-05-06T18:48:00.000+08:00

IN THE MIDST OF MYEs SO AFTER THIS THEN I POST :3

2011-04-26T19:21:00.001+08:00

We all must learn.

Most painful oxymoron ever: parting is such sweet sorrow. But bring on the sweet and forget the sorrow.

2011-04-25T19:40:00.001+08:00

Hmm, exams are coming but amazingly after some (perhaps biased) rationalization, I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY THAT I'M NOT AFRAID.

heh. havent been posting for really long..

Today was an awesome day i think. Very super freaking happy. for the most part haha.

thanks jolene ^^

--------extention for jolene LOL--------------

okay anyway today was good had some easter egg hunt which i didnt participate as usual then went to meet jolene and for some reason i was damn high WHICH of course made her damn high and we both were damn high WOOHOOO!!! XDD

okay anyway GOOD DAY GOOD DAY!

2011-04-18T19:58:00.002+08:00

darn, i very long never post alr.

really have no time these days, cant use computer at home either.

well just a short update, i'm still alive, midyears are approaching, and life is decent. :D

2011-04-11T19:32:00.001+08:00

with MYEs fast approaching, not studying seems suicidal...but...

LIVE DANGEROUSLY!

2011-04-02T20:23:00.002+08:00

Let's all look back at ourselves. What have we become? who are we now? what were we then? who will we be in the future? are we doing things CONSCIOUSLY being aware that every action affects our immediate future, which affects our not-so-immediate future, WHICH AFFECTS our future?

No.

but hey, just look at ourselves. We've been self aware for almost all our live (minusing the first 3 years after birth). we've changed so much. i've seen drastic changes in people. i've seen successes and failures. and i'm only fifteen. fifteen years. that isn't alot, but how is it possible that we change so much? do we even REALISE our actions?

No.

Girls mature; physically, mentally, socially.

Guys mature; physically, mentally, socially.

maturity is good right? then why do so many people seem to change for the worse? okay maybe that's only my opinion.

Nice girl > staunch christian.
Soft spoken girl > slut.
Shy guy > loud guy
fat guy > underweight guy
decent girls/guys > gangsters and cowards and idiots.

why why why? obviously the latter is the worst of the lot. why? maybe inside, we're all just waiting to change. but i dont believe no one can control their actions. it's always possible as long as one is mentally strong.

epic digression there, but back to topic:

honestly, just look at ourselves. how have we changed? many people cannot (or choose not to) metacognise, and so, most have changed drastically even under their own control. i'm not saying every change is bad. but honestly! i dont know why i'm even posting this but i've really seen loads of changes in my friends (including myself). change is the only constant; cliche but true.

and looking back, loads of previously close friend have changed. most have drifted. but then yet i'm not afraid of losing them at all cos they mean close to nothing to me. those superficial half-friends we all have will go one day so is it worth being so affected by them?

but it's really regrettable...sometimes i wonder how things would have turned out if so and so had happened, et cetera. but in the end what we are now is a result of what has happened to us all our lives...which brings me to the important part:

NO REGRETS.

pointless. mundane. obsolete. taxing.

of course we all have certain short-term regrets but i dont think we should have any OH FUCK MYSELF I'M SCREWED COS I DIDN'T DO BLA BLA BLA! and i'm screwed for the rest of my life OHH MY HOBBIE FML!

regretting is pointless. what bad stuff has happened to you, maybe cos of those events it did. but you've got to realise that every event shaped the good stuff you have now, which definitely far outweighs the bad stuff.

so NO REGRETS. NO REGRETS.

WHICH brings me back nicely to change again.

regretting our change is pointless. instead of wishing you could undo the past, why not strive to do better for the future? surely that's more tangible than the past (no matter how fucked it might have been).

then again, i've seen lots of changes. they bring back loads of memories and can be very melancholic, admittedly. but oh well, we all change. but then, we are all what we want ourselves to be. the only reason we change so much is cos we have no idea, and drift about until we bump into something like a fuck-up then we're screwed.

in any case, to those people i know that have changed, best of luck in all endeavours.
people who i know that are rock solid (few), the same.

Everything can shape us. we can only choose what we want to be shaped by.

Change is inevitable, but...it can be sometimes really melancholic which is kinda the reason i'm posting. epic nostalgia when i saw a certain friend's blog. not really. there weren't any good times honestly but i was just reeling at how much the person changed.

aish, in any case, a final touch of humanity to this post:

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy.

2011-03-28T17:40:00.003+08:00

Aha, i realise that my blog has one more anonymous-hidden-stalker-reader. :D hello honghui.

okay. anyway. was INSPIRED to blog today cos firstly i haven't done so for a very very very long time. and someone else actually reads my blog wow! and says it's interesting :3 yay so honoured. hahaha. okay anyway!

yeah. it's been a while since i've sat down to post..hmm, where should i begin? loads of stuff has happened since my last post, and to be honest some were good, some were great, and some were just FUCKING AWESOME. okay that was exaggerated. of course bad stuff DID happen. hahaha.

alright! like i said, i dont like posting stuff people can't relate to or I MYSELF WON'T be able to relate to few years in the future so yeah!

basically...my last post was on, lets see...march 25th! okay that's not really counted so it'd be march 19th! two weeks plus alr. hmm. i shall to the best of my memory try to recall what happened.

okay obviously there was the stupid camp. aha, memories. ohwell, it wasn't that great cos firstly I HAD NO SLEEPING BAG SO I DIDN'T SLEEP PROPERLY and i was kinda missing people (hint hint!) (okay it's just one person) most of the time so yeahh didn't really enjoy it thoroughly or as much as i could have. the sleep was a killer. really. my god, once you awoke cos of the cold you just CANT get back to sleep. it chills you to the bone i swear.

okay so that's that! camp wasnt awesome but yes admittedly it did achieve it's objective of bonding the classes. kind of needed, i must say. saw people at their best and worst...some stuff of course got ugly but nevertheless WE ARE STILL ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY....NOT! XD

okay then today! hmm. dora was being extremely nice today although TAKING MY PHONE JUST SPOILT IT! D:<

well...any interesting topics to talk about? hopefully this post will be long enough to satiate my readers (however little there might be). hmm.

Oh.

"It's no surprise that the feeling has changed and the years have slipped away in the hands of time. But open your eyes cos the promise we made that our light would never fade - it'll never die".

^ meaningful yes? aha. it's a song. but anyway yeah! love is possible at all ages. it's up to both to make it or break it.

CHEERS! wah and i recently damn BLUR i swear -.- wts.

2011-03-25T20:21:00.001+08:00

back in black and bloody tired.

2011-03-19T21:33:00.003+08:00

i know i haven't been updating but since today is a very special day i shall! firstly it's special COS IT'S ALMOST THE END OF THE MARCH HOLS OMG AND THE NEW TERM IS GONNA BE HECTIC TO THE POWER OF HECTIC TO THE POWER OF....sian -.-

BUT ON A BRIGHTER NOTE....IT'S MY AWESOME GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY! YAYYY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOLENE! be happy always and i love you! ^^

though today wasn't spent with you i hope you have a good one! hmm well anyway your awesome! yesh yesh you are :3

so happy birthday! hope you liked friday haha.

OKAY ANYWAY. I GOT PERFORMANCE PHOBIAAAAAAAAA.

2011-03-11T21:18:00.002+08:00

well, thank you to my dearest dearest girlfriend for posting :D

okay anyway!

It's almost the march holidays. I've been looking forward to this since the start of this year, but what the hell, it just has to be screwed...i'm just hoping and hoping that there will be at least that one good day. i'm really praying.

Ideally, everyday would be spent playing and playing and playing, but nevertheless that is impossible.

Hmm, but well, i have great news! jolene and i (note the very proper grammar) would have been together for half a year tomorrow! (not alot at all, but yeah still quite decent compared to those random sluts who fuck around for a week then fuck off). and then it's her birthday next saturday... *worries* XDD

so well! anyway, i really do hope that my march holidays will be good...REALLY REALLY HOPE. and omg, music prac olvl is on the 23rd and there's this recital shit that i was FORCED to perform in on the 19th! wthhhh omg i better get cracking...my skills are very very flak now... D:

alrighty then! end of post!

SEXTING!

2011-03-11T10:33:00.002+08:00

MUAHAHA I HAVE INVADED YOUR BLOG MR CHAN JUNHONG AND STOLE YOUR 200th POST >:D ! Right ok so i am AWESOME here posting on junhong's blog hah :D Okok fine enough fooling around i just decided to post FOR FUN on this blog ahahaha since my dear junhong asked me to oh so nicely and i have nothing much to do anyway :3 Right so yeahh hello everyone reading this blog ! O: GUESS WHO AM I AND YOU WIN A PRIZE :D Yeah right okok i feel totally random and absolutely 100% extra here so i shall take my leave ! Ciao all ! -flies into the clouds and disappear with all of you going O: ! -

2011-03-01T21:44:00.001+08:00

why hey boys! it's March! the third month of the year..darn TIME FLIES LIKE HELL!!! DAMN IT I WISH I HAD 25 HOURS A DAY MAN! D: the one extra hour will be lovely!~

2011-02-27T16:54:00.002+08:00

some teachers can never be forgotten. i have sure let one down but that teacher will never be forgotten. i hope my salute will reach out. i am not heartless nor nonchalant. i care. i remember. i learn. that teacher has taught me many. however the best teachers hardly get worthy students. sorry and hope that things will go well for you. thank you for everything.

2011-02-25T21:40:00.003+08:00

today was an extraordinarily good day. was in a very very good mood. especially after owning some old Anglican High teacher...hmm. well!

i liked today really. haha.

i feel good~ nanananananana.

2011-02-23T21:41:00.003+08:00

some things aren't what they seem on the surface to be. stuff might seem complicated but the bigger picture in reality is really simple. it's all a matter of perspective!

well, when something seems all wrong, what do we do then? do we lie down and cry? do we give up and run? hide? well. it's still a question of being able to look at the bigger picture, and moving on. with enough maturity many many many conflicts can be resolved. it's because of the lack thereof that so many matters seem uselessly complicated...well. look at the bigger picture.

it's actually very simple. all people have to do is take a step back.

today is a good day.

2011-02-22T18:34:00.002+08:00

Here in this town, safe and guarded; we call it home: a feeling that we share.

OKAY. SO HERE I AM, POSTING.

well. sorry for not posting much recently, i have been really so so so busy! okay maybe not but yeahh!!

okay anyway i shall get to the point. I AM LAZY AND PROCRASTINATING AND I AM FAILING.

not that badly but yes i am failing in a way... haish! need to desperately buck up darn it! i can't believe PURE CARELESSNESS killed me for maths...well it always kills anyone careless enough XD

yeah but seriously i really very scared i dont do well...i wanna do well but i'm lazy...and i dont wanna go all out to study cos i wanna play music too..but i cant go all out to play music either cos i wanna study in case music doesn't take me anywhere.

see, that's the thing...i dont want either bad enough. i'm the sort that will do pretty decent if i put my mind to something, but ironically i'm also the sort that will not put all my eggs in one basket for fear for it not working out then i'll be damned.

so what should i do!? Music? Studies? both? but both is impossible... i cant make up my mind like seriously i love music but it's a really competitive and risky job ._. then again i wanna study and stuff but it's fucking boring! DAMN IT!! dilemma much...

but oh well in the end...i'll at least be content in knowing i won't walk alone no matter where i go cos i'll always have friends (okay maybe x.x) and my awesome girlfriend ^^

so, what should i post abt today? omg i think my chem test is screwed cos i nvr study and its pretty fcking hard...

aish nvm!

wednesday tomorrow....i think its the returning of the Music CA1 paper. wtf. what if i'm screwed? i wanna take higher music to replace HISTORY cos dora seriously damn fail... yeah but theory really really doesn't appeal to me lol i'd rather sit at the piano for 5 hours and spam like really ._.

OKAY ANYWAY. i think i'm done posting! alright.

today was a good day!

cos i hugged you.

2011-02-20T11:25:00.002+08:00

On patience, on anger, on fear, on envy, on love.

I have got so much to say but i'm unable to put it in words.

The returns for being patient will never disappoint you.

So you take what is yours and I'll take mine.

2011-02-19T22:02:00.001+08:00

i know i havent been posting much but yeah! i'm alive!

will update very very soon so stay tuned!

2011-02-06T19:49:00.002+08:00

damn. a failed cny passed just like that...sure hope this doesn't repeat next year... -.-

2011-02-01T20:50:00.003+08:00

AHA! the first day of february, how nice! :D

right, before i get into my post, i must say how awesome january has been! (okay maybe not). okay so! i'm drowning in homework this weekend, but i dont intend to spoil my CNY week by doing homework now!!! (okay maybe it'd feel better haish! i see how!) okay nvm i'll be a good kid and do well this year yes i will ^^ okay maybe not. aya whatever la -.- cheebong. i just don't want it bad enough i guess (to do well)...maybe that's why i'm not even bothering to do well at all. sheesh. i've got to find some sort of motivation before my time is up.

OKAY ANYWAY ON TO TODAY'S TOPIC OF THE DAY....

*drumroll*

*rat-tat-tat*

*CYMBALS*

BREAK UP.

the reason i'm interested in this is because 1) this happened to a very unfortunate friend of mine. and 2) cos it seems the person who stalks my blog but doesn't tag have very conflicting views with me! (hint hint)

SO......BREAK UP.

okay look. breakups are sad sad shit. okay maybe they wont be if YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK FROM THE START. the thing is, most people can say "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" but can you really call it love if RIGHT FROM THE START you all know you're going to break up?

it's FORGIVABLE if we're all young and naive and do not understand the concept of LOVE (such a cliche and overused word, to the point of being obsolete to teens nowadays) and as such being so ready to say "i love you" and bla bla bla shit.

that is forgivable. cos we're all young, and most lack maturity...something that is of paramount importance in any sort of relationship.

but KNOWING from the start that you guy's ARE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT and with COUNTLESS people telling you "oh no!!!!!!" and you still dive right in like some retard. cmon baby, that makes no sense. if you KNOW it. and you wanna TEST it, that's pure stupid. its like knowing you're gonna die and yet you try to cheat death. it is never going to happen, sadly.

"what about all the good memories that they'll build? D:"

screw that! all those supposedly "good memories" that you guys supposedly "build" would have been worthless and just a memory, a footstep in the sand, once you BREAK UP. being in this kind of thing just for "good memories" is fail...good memories come to naught if you alr know you guys cannot make it, and when you all still fail to prove yourselves wrong. so what's the point of those "good memories"? sure there can be some, but the point is...you guys have never truly loved each other from the start. THAT's why everyone so readily says "you all will break up".

and did you listen? nawwww, you just went into it, built some "good memories", and when they all come crashing down, you cry. sad life, people. breakups between two people who truly love each other have two results: 1) it never happens, or 2) it happens with mutual consent and both are happy, and still good friends.

so i guess it ain't such a big thing that you guys broke ba...expected it anyway.

so i guess..hold on to those supposed "good memories" while you can ba...cos i can assure you "good memories" with people that you never truly loved will become evanescent and fade with time.

end of post.

your thoughts, emma? :D

2011-01-25T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm half single.

2011-01-23T12:59:00.002+08:00

Posting on a sunday after a very very long hiatus.

I don't know how to go about saying this without being too overly direct, so i shan't speak of it.

sometimes you are just speaking your opinion. those opinions might mean nothing to you, but they do affect people. "it's just an opinion, and it means nothing...nothing will change anyway so what the heck?" people might think that way. but the thing is it's those words that anger others, that make them pissed. blurting those out without thinking is just purely UNTACTFUL.

it does take two hands to clap, ultimately. it's never purely a single person's fault, well, rarely, anyway. but there is always the person who catalyzes everything by being untactful and all. and it's THAT person who should take the blame.

well, it's not a big thing anyway.

now let's talk about JEALOUSY. yes. the one feeling that causes families to break up, siblings to quarrel, couples to fight and anger to arise.

everyone gets jealous, it's inevitable. but the important thing is to LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. yup. and TRUST. yeah. those two things will overcome any sort of jealousy.

jealousy often comes with insecurity. or vice versa.

and INSECURITY can be overcome by TRUST.

THAT'S IT. cheerio~

2011-01-14T21:47:00.003+08:00

oh wow. how time flies. another school week has just passed like that. it's really quick, really. ._.

oh god, i got so many stuff to do..damn.

in any case, life has been good. well, bearable, in a sense. i can't wait for the march holidays. i'm gonna so enjoy it, man... (okay maybe not due to cca)..

darn. okay but anyway, i can't wait for the year to end! and the next!

and i'm FREE. well, kinda. -.-

oh boy.

I'm addicted to the feel of your skin, darling.

2011-01-08T13:32:00.002+08:00

This year is gonna suck. or not. i don't know.

well just talked abt it ytd...hmm. maybe when you think so much about it you feel that you got like ALOT of stuff to do. idk. i had this conception in sec1 and sec2 that sec3 is a SLACKZXC year. but i totally dont feel it...i got SO much stuff. -.- SCHOOL, BAND, MUS'ART, PIANO, O'LVL MUSIC, AWESOME GIRLFRIEND, AND....YEAH. wtf. alot of stuff going on at once...

wish i could just like STOP TIME or smt and clear everything before moving on to the next.. but i cant so wth, wishful thinking much.

i thought i would start with a clean slate in sec3...but i know i'm gonna dirty it sooner or later so whatever hahaha XD okay so anyway, yeah. this year will be a year of work work and work...but if you dont think of it in such a negative way, it's actually bearable. but thinking of it like "work..next year olvl...then slack abit...then JC/Poly...." makes your life seem damn sad when it actually is not =.=

okay so anyway, i will have to say that school sucks, yes. but i'm sure this year will turn out FINE. besides, we got quite a bit of free time, no? except for the fact that my holidays will be pretty much OCCUPIED cos of bridging and cca and stuff...but oh well there's always TIME.

mmhmm. THINK POSiTIVE. this year. is. gonna. fucking. ROCK.

it's okay to drift apart, as long as you're firmly anchored.

2011-01-05T21:13:00.001+08:00

OKAY SO ITS THE SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL....

LONG PANTS. O.O baggy hell.

okay anyway. my class so far is okay okay la...school life seems more stressful FOR IDK WHAT REASON. -.- i just feel like *STRESS* -.- sheesh, wth.

BAND. FUCK.

oh and there's this SS teacher that looks like Gru from Despicable Me. XD

okay so far school is okay...now abt today. hmm.

OKAY uhm met jolene ate lunch went my house watch princess mononoke and uh other stuff (not porn) and bla bla bla nothing MUCH happened :D :D :D *ding ding innocence*

kk THE END. I GOT SOAKED.

2011-01-01T20:31:00.001+08:00

hello, MMXI.

2010-12-31T21:39:00.002+08:00

So here i am, sitting in front of the computer on the LAST day of year 2010/MMX.

well, so far this year, things were actually pretty fine! i guess that loads of stuff changed and i got into alot of new stuff, experienced loads and all that. this year was a pretty fine year, admittedly, albeit a little over-the-top roller coaster-ish and stuff you know..haha, but great things did happen and i'm very very thankful that they did. :D

i believe in fate, and i guess the whole year was just chock full of it. so much stuff happening that led to another, without which nothing would have happened so i think i'm more than satisfied with the way things turned out. ^^

it was a very very quick year, sadly...but goes to show that it was exciting and fun enough for it to pass so fast eh? hmm, what about new year's resolutions? well, i dont really have any.

the thing is, resolution isn't a MUST nor a MUST HAVE. you dont really have to have a very clear and precise goal. the thing is, life isn't an arrow. you dont aim for the end, shoot, and go through it like nothing. it's the process and the journey that makes life meaningful and worthwhile, so i guess my so-called new year's resolution is for everything that makes me happy to stay there and not change at all!~ and those random unhappy stuff...well they can jsut stay there to remind me that there's a feeling called happiness and bliss and it's a really fantastic feeling...after all, if your life is but a bed of roses, happiness would lose it's meaning wouldn't it!

i hope MMXI would be a good year, really. haha.

2010 was good to me. there are actually several things that i really like bout 2010. firstly, cca and MWO/ MYWO. i never regretted joining and i dont think i ever will. yes cca might be a chore at times, but i love music. heh, seems like my pianism has improved pretty much this year too! hahaha who knew from a complete uninterested player at p6 i could become a pretty half-decent player in two years? ohwell, passion passion passion. i like it. :D

oh and the other one is definitely knowing jolene. idk, but she just...popped up at the right time o.o fate? probably? idk, and i dont really care. just that, i'm very thankful to have known her and yeap, she definitely has brought much-needed joy/fun to my life after her appearance heheh.

oh and i see that my PRIMARY 6 class is still united WHOO YEAH GO 6 BENEVOLENCE O'8!!!!

love ya'll. specially the basketball gang. heh XD okay!

wishes for the new year?

-continue playing music (and hopefully being good enough to still showoff hahaha XDD)
-ZHANG JIA XUAN. :D
-A WHOLE NEW AWESOME SEC 3 CLASS THAT I'LL LOVE
-TO SURVIVE!~

kay i'm done. HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!.

2010-12-29T22:01:00.003+08:00

life has been...good, i suppose. got loads of awesome people around me, but thing is..CCA is starting to suck too much. oh god, i hate cca. -.- it just..tires me out and kills me. darn. SO TIRING SIA.

ohwell. today was pretty good. went with zhangjiaxuan to PRP once again after a long long long time and the weather was pretty freaking fantastic hahaha XDD

so yeah! good day. i like. (Y)

sex on the beach haha~

2010-12-25T20:46:00.000+08:00

So, today is christmas..yes, that time of the year again...

today was really quite disappointing, i shan't say in what way but yeah it wasnt a fantastic day...it didn't even live up to my expectation of being a half-decent day. ohwell whatever. as long as everyone ELSE is happy.

the year is coming to an end already, i wonder what people think of this year. IMO, this year passed by really quickly...6 more days till the end of this year... 6 more blinks and we're all old. sigh. life is sure short.

2010-12-19T22:37:00.002+08:00

Haven't been posting for quite a long while...ohwell. anyway! just finished this concert with Mus'Art Wind Orchestra at NUS today...pretty exhausting but hey! it was darn rewarding la. i rmb in sch band we take like months to learn ONE piece...but for today's encore piece i only played it TWICE before playing it for the concert...needless to say i screwed (and so did alot of others) but ohwell it's still good cos got PROS. O.O

okay...i realise that i really have alot of stuff on my hands....school band, mus'art, piano, olvl music (2011)...damn. am i taking this interest of mine too far? seriously, its either all or nothing. if i really intend to pursue music, i will give my all for it..but right now i'm caught in the middle, and cant decide, so my skills are still BELOW PAR cos i don't wanna dedicate so much of my time on music when in the future i'm unsure if i'm still gonna pursue it as a career...it'll be good if i could, but seriously...SINGAPORE? ._. not the best country to pursue one's interests, i must say.

i wanna get better, partly cos i'm a showoff, partly cos it's for self satisfaction. but what i MUST get is my piano diploma. -.- if i don't get that i'd have wasted my life. i must at least get THAT. shouldn't be hard, just that it's time consuming...dip takes arnd 2 yrs to prepare..-.- not sure if by the time i'm doing it i'd have enough time to juggle everything..studies, music, life, and her.

BUT IN ANYCASE. I SHALL UHM. take life as it comes from now. ^^ yep, i will.

life is great.

This silence is killing me.

2010-12-13T21:28:00.001+08:00

so here i am posting again ~ :D

okay so. today was an okay day i guess. uhhh. went out with jolene the whole day (okay not really went out) -.-

okay and then uhm did stuff...etcetcetc.

then bla bla bla bla bla~

OKAY DONE!.

2010-12-12T21:52:00.002+08:00

why don't i update on a fine night like this?

hmm. okay, maybe there isnt much to update abt...i've been really really busy with stuff this hols dont even have any time for school work and other bullshit. darn. i havent even started on homework, for god's sake -.-

it doesnt feel good to rush but i guess i've no choice...XD

aaanyway, life hasn't been bad. so far, so good. it's gonna get better i think~ heheh.

One second in the great abyss of time;

2010-12-09T21:07:00.003+08:00

TWAS A LOVELY DAY, YES IT WAS.

okay maybe i didn't do alot of stuff. but idk why, the moment i woke up i just BOOM! had this feeling in my face that whoa today was gonna be pretty freaking awesome. and it was. :D

happy right from the start, really!

mmhmm. woke up, played abit of comp, went to meet jolene for lunch and uhh..

for some reason after drinking coke zero we like laughed at the staircase FOR SOME UNFATHOMABLE REASON and we laughed like crazy till i swear i was gonna choke -.-

but it was an awesome feeling haha...great day all in all!

2010-12-07T19:43:00.002+08:00

twas a tough day today ._. i shan't rant but seriously, i dont wanna waste my time going and going for prac after prac just to let other people screw us up. there are actually people who are committed and motivated and you asshole selfish dogs dont give a shit and spoil all our hard work? its darn sad that we are the only people who actually bother.

anyways today was a long long day in which i DID NOT EAT ANYTHING UNTIL 6. x.x nearly died.

yeahh....hardcore cca. then finally got some respite at fish and company with jolene lol. -.-

otherwise, tiring day.

2010-12-03T22:18:00.002+08:00

aha! so today was a pretty good day after all ^^

kay, so it started with me waking at arnd 8++ and playing MapleStory (wtf yes i know :D)

okay so then met up with jolene, her sister and her mom to help her sis carry her p6 books back to their house. uh huh. so yeah. did it once again :D

okaay and then went to eat sakae sushi's buffet~~

firstly i have got to thank jolene's mom once more for giving me a treat heh. -.- okay then anyway was stuffed like crazy trying to make the whole darn thing value for money. :D

okay luh, it wasn't bad! but i was stuffed ._.

ohwell! if ever i eat sakae buffet with a group of my male friends i'm sure we would be able to make the people cry i swear XDD

mmm so anyway got stuffed and then went to arcade to fool around abit and THEN!~ uhhh yup went back home :D

haha, not a bad day, really. though it sounds pretty boring, only consisting of a buffet late lunch. ^^ heheh.

i can't stress how much you'll always be mine.

2010-12-01T21:27:00.002+08:00

so its December. my time of the year.

hmm. time flies really fast i guess but today is just not the day for some stupid "time passes so quickly" emo post. therefore, i shall only update about TODAY!

okay so basically in the morning i went out with cheemeng after not seeing him for like HALF A YEAR -.- i mean what kind of friends do not see each other for half a year? LOL.mmhmm. went to tanjong pagar and looked at AJ areas, bla bla bla...-.- chatted, caught up. o.o

okay then awesome me went to meet jolene @ PRP cos she was having some cca chalet thingy so i just POPPED BY and stole her ass XD

HAHA. darn awesome. ^^

i'm not perfect, but i keep trying. cos that's what i said i would do from the start.

2010-11-29T09:43:00.004+08:00

sheesh. today is gonna be hell boring i swear. nothing to do, no one to go out with, -.-

one of those time that i must say FML....JFT. :D (just for today).

okay.

-------------------edit-------------------------

hey so today wasn't boring in fact it was pretty good hahahaha!

all thanks to dear jolene! HAHA. :D

yeah at first thought it was gonna be boring then suddenly BOOM! she said she skipping her cca thingy SO YEAH i had smth to do LOL :D

kk so uhm went to VivoCity (for reasons unknown, maybe it was just to waste time?) and watched Rapunzel in 3D. okay so it wasn't as disappointing as i expected. pretty good show, with loads of funny bits, but not a show that i would want to spend $11 just to watch it in 3d...the 3d doesnt do much anyway -.- yep. AND. like any typical disney show, it had loads of singing. darn. -.- SO IRRITATING when some random character just bursts out into a song -.-

okay then uhm went to Dakota and to Old Airport Road to eat the friggin awesome char kway teow there muahahaha~

somehow, dark and cold places (okay maybe its just the cinema mood) make me feel you more. haha. love you.

2010-11-24T20:07:00.002+08:00

havent been blogging much lately, actually. ah well, shan't live in the past and kill my brain cells just to recall the events that occured the past two days...so today is WEDNESDAY. and i shall blog abt WEDNESDAY. :D:D:D:D

AAAAAAAAAAAnyway.

so today. i ate quite alot actually o.o

morning wake up, eat chee cheong fun. almost immediately went out and ate SUBWAY with jolene and sent her to sch (wah i'm SO NICE. omg. if i had a boyfriend like me i'll...uhh..uhh...well. i'm not gay. -.-). YEAH THEN. went back home then cousin wanted to eat fish and co so i went with him and bla bla bla bla bla...

then went to Tamp to find jolene again...blablabla...etcetcetc. uhhh yeah.

THEN!!!!

went home. ate dinner, and tadah!

Self control? haha, screw that. we're awesome :D

2010-11-20T19:41:00.003+08:00

hi again! :D

today i have thought of a topic to post about so yeah should be a pretty long post. okay.

here goes then :

Being a father to a daughter is just like being the hypothetical ex-boyfriend that never falters, never fails, never gives up heart but always doesn't get the girl. alright.

it's tough really. from birth till adulthood, being there for her, caring for her, holding her hand through all those years, taking pains more than any guy would to raise her up; but in the end, she is stolen by some other guy. it is UNDERSTANDABLE that any father would overreact to his daughter having a boyfriend. afterall, there are many bastards in the world, and its natural for them to be protective and stuff...

but in the end, no matter how nice the guy is, he'll never be "perfect" in the eyes of the father. cos no one else would do the things a father does for his daughter. no one else would endure all the shit just to bring her up. that's why. so yeah, people really shouldn't like, take their parents for granted and stuff you know. after all, they're the best for you.

but then again there are bastard fathers who don't give a shit, and even more bastard ones who rape and abuse their daughters and stuff...in this world there's always black and white. there MUST be a darker side to everything. there is NO such thing as "world peace". the stronger the light, the darker the shadow.

oh look, i'm digressing alr. so ANYWAY. that was just what i wanted to post abt. yup yup.

okay so abt what i did today...

went with jolene to bugis...apparently her mom wanted to meet me so yeah anyway at first it was at 3++ then we like wanted to go bugis watch movie or smt but her mom suddenly came out at like 1++ so yeah met her and went to Ajisen Ramen to eat :D (super full -.-).

anwyay, shan't spaz too much but yeah her mom is a pretty nice person yeap. not like the stereotypical auntie nor those kinds of ppl who are SO EFFING SERIOUS you know ._. yup. just a really nice person i think :D

yeah then was treated to the meal (refused to let me pay even for myself leh) D: but yeah anyway came back and slack slack then went to whitesands for sushi.

hmm. come to think of it, it wasn't a fantastic day but it was good enough ^^

that concludes it.

you're booked for life, dear.

2010-11-18T09:57:00.003+08:00

damn, i've really not posted for pretty long eh.recently seriously nothing to post so yeah..hmm.

damn i'm lazy to do this in the morning so i'll edit this post later tonight ^^

--------------------edit--------------------

OKAY. so i shan't procrastinate further and i shall post!

alright so today i skipped band. apparently they had hardcore marching and it sucked so i was glad i skipped :D

so. i went to meet jolene at like 1 plus and went to eat FCX :D then uhm, went back to her hse there and camped. jolene was being a stubborn mule (HAHAHA XD) about it so i went back home. went to piano lesson, and thats it came back.

i love my life :D

2010-11-14T21:39:00.003+08:00

Woah. this shit is really getting to me. am i really thinking this way? and do i really feel happy when it's going wrong? fuck it -.- it's not supposed to be like this man.

i've been brought up with the definition of a man embossed into my mind.

crying = gay
selfish = gay
petty = gay
showing negative feelings = gay
showing sadness = gay
insecurity = gay

SOMETHING like that i guess ._.

"and so i should have some fucking backbone. i'm a guy. no one's gonna be there for me 100% of the time. i'm not a girl, i don't need that kind of security."

can i really bring myself to say that? no, i don't think so. maybe deep down i really am pretty pathetic in certain ways. but well. i'm flawed.

it's people's choice. they can do what they want. no one likes being smothered like some kid. i know that. but for some reason i can't help thinking this way. i know i'm insecure, but i can't continue to let this stupid idiocy screw me up =.=

what's there to fear anyway? "bad feeling"? screw that. i'm just selfish i guess. holding on to stuff much too close. but i guess that is a good thing in a way... i don't see why it can be bad. after all, everyone tells us to cherish what we have right?

but prob is i'm holding on wayy too tightly. smothering. it doesn't feel good.

The proud are humbled by insecurity.

maybe i should mentally bitch-slap myself and go "you stupid cunt, just let others do what they want. stop being a dick."

that's it.

cos no one likes a dick.

All I can do is to be there, cos that's the best of me.

2010-11-13T19:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i think i'm really damn immature. -.- maybe it's not me but sometimes my mind just BOOM thinks in a certain way that is really too immature and my emotions fuck up and i can't do anything about it. -.-

so today was pretty okay i guess. yeap. went for cousin's barbeque-ish birthday party and ate some stuff....bla bla bla. that's it. pretty okay day i guess.

Our innocence is a virtue;

2010-11-12T21:02:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, i guess today was quite an okay day ba...

:D

Met jolene @ 9.15 and then went for breakfast and stuff (really, whole day was full of nothing so yeah i decided to spend the whole day out) and then uhm slacked around and then went to watch movie and then slacked around blablablabla :D THE END!

in the end didnt go to fareha's POP (sorry ss & fareha) cos NO ONE was willing to go except wingkit and i had alr decided not to go then cheryl last minute call me say want go (wtf?), bu ti still didnt go anyway ;D